I Don't Feel Like I Belong In The LGBTQIA+ Community

Hey everyone! 

Welcome to a brand new post. This is probably going to be a very rambly post, but, as you can see by the title, I've been thinking about some stuff for a while...

(Photo is a stock image from Pexels)

I'm Jamie, I'm a visually impaired queer non-binary person. I realise that doesn't mean a lot to people for those reasons, alone, I don't feel like I fit into the LGBTQIAP+ community that we live in today.

Being Visually Impaired, can be a good and a bad thing. It can be good, because, it shows that even though you have a disability, you can still be yourself. You can still do what you want to in life. It just means that you might have trouble doing some stuff, and, honestly it means that you have a completely different perspective than abled people, because, well your sight loss, no matter at what stage its at, means that you've retrained yourself in someway shape or form to live a true great life. This might be mentally, via the concept of sight loss, or it might be physically by getting used to a cane, or an assistance dog. It might also mean learning accessibility tools such as VoiceOver. Even though it is a disability and society sees that as different, it does include some amazing stuff, but also at the same time, the main bad thing for myself is incorporating myself into the LGBTQIAP+ community that lives in the culture of today.

The LGBTQIAP+ community survives off the notion of socially communicating within bars and clubs. There are many many conversations at the minute going on about how the LGBTQIAP+ community is somewhat problematic via only thriving via bars and using alcohol as the main gateway of communication, but I want to talk more about the location than the actual use of alcohol. Due to the main hub of the LGBTQIAP+ community being based within clubs and bars, this means that most, well honestly nearly all, are based in a darl lighting environment. Thats great for abled/fuflly sighted people as they can do what they want in this lighting, and adds to the ambience, but for me creates a fair amount of problems. It means that going for a gathering or just a simple drink with LGBTQ+ friends, becomes, honestly, a nightmare for me. It means that I go from being able to communicate with most of a community that I love from the bottom of my heart, to a night in a corner where I feel the most loneliest. It feels a bit like a cage. I'm grateful for friends that try to help me when I do go out, but honestly, as most of the community is based in this environment it means that I feel kind of pushed out of the community because well I pretty much can't do anything. If bright lights are taken away for me, this means that I try to focus on hearing to communicate, which is great but most LGBTQIAP+ friendly locations also have loud music going on so I just feel awkward and kind of numb and distant when out. The main ramblings that I'm trying to get at are that because of this, I just don't feel like I can be included even if I try my hardest, because well I'm struggling 10x more than if I'm out with a load of fully sighted, fully abled queer friends. I get that its not their fault, but also because of this, I feel like sometimes they distance themselves because they don't know how to handle or communicate with me due to me not being able to mingle and go off and talk to whoever by myself.

I'd love for this to change, I really do, but I realise that its going to take a lot, because well as shit as this sounds, unless you're visually impaired or disabled, then you don't really take notice of the implications of what being unaccessible truly means. I get that a rambling non sensical blog post won't do that, but I hope that if you read this mess, you just have a think about the community and everything as a whole. I get that buildings and establishments only have so much of a budget, but it would be nice to at least take people into consideration. It would be great if instead of saying you're accessible and it meaning, honestly, fuck all, it means using lifts for what they are and not storage cupboards, brighter lighting, and just understanding how everyday life can be a nightmare for some

I get that non bar based LGBTQIAP+ safe spaces exist. I've been to a fair couple including the amazing, Flamingo Coffee House within Leeds that is amazing, but also, the main two problems is that not everyone knows about them, or, that most LGBTQIAP+ people like to socialise at night which means that such wonderful places are closed. I just honestly, wish there was more accessibility or that the LGBTQIAP+ community as a while, realised that there are problems in place that stop everyone from actually enjoying themselves. The community is based on an ethos of being diverse and equality, but also at the same time, they're pretty much being a contradiction by not catering for those that aren't cis/abled/not what society or even the LGBTQUAP+ community deem as the norm which is kind of sucky at the end of the day.

When people think of the community, mist think about fitting into a tribe. It took a while, but I found mine in Leeds, and, I'm forever grateful. I kind of thought that I fitted into the bear tribe. For anyone who doesn't know what a bear is, urban dictionary defines bear as, 'A hairy and/or large gay man'. I guess this is more to do with body image, but a big problem that I have with the bear tribe within the community, is their constant fixation with body image. They have some other fixations/problems which I'll talk about later in the post but that's for later. When it comes to the notion of body image within the bear community, the notion of being plus sized is celebrated. Thats amazing, I think that we don't have enough celebration for plus sized people as a whole, but they focus on the biggest people. A fair amount of bears that I've followed have focuses on the concept of the bigger the better. Yes, from afar, this is great for body positivity, and that's not my problem, My problem is shunning anyone that isn't the biggest. It makes the whole community problematic. This goes for any part of the LGBTQIAP+ community. I'm too big for certain tribes, and too thin for other tribes, which means that the tribes don;'t really embrace me which then creates this notion of not feeling like I belong in the community in my head. I kind of hate it. It just defeats the point of actually being body positivite and kind of shows how problematic some people and some tribes within the LGBTQUAP+ community can be. I get that it might be a mental and personal thing to me, but it just makes interacting with people sometimes pointless, because you know that at the drop of a hat, they won't care because someone bigger will have come along... I don't really know how to explain it, but it just screams toxic to me, know? The community as I've said is about equality and whatnot and you're pretty much pitting people against each other to be bigger to get your attention and affection, and, for what, so you can drool over them? It's just, its stupid in my opinion. I already feel ugly on days about myself, and, then to just have it completely certified by people that I thought I was close to or that I know of by not wanting to talk to me in any way shape or form, because, well im not for them, just makes it ten times worse. Its honestly, why id rather just stick to myself sometimes. I get that, this sounds kind of 'antisocial' but it works for my mental health sometimes.

Following on from this, the LGBTQIAP+ community has a heavily influence of sex and honestly, I'm not really the biggest fan over it. I don't really grasp or like the concept of having everything boil down to a tap or pass. I get that the community also rely on specific dating apps to communicate and to get know people. I get that, but let's be real. dating apps are literally there for people to send random pictures of their junk. I realise this sounds bad and almost grumpy grandpa like, but I'd like to at least have a conversation before I randomly get sent stuff like that. I'm just sick of this societal norm, of, not even wanting to get to know someone yet the person who doesn't want to know you waits five minutes and then sends you a flood of pictures that you don't really want. It just makes me feel out of the community as a whole. Following on from this, the whole notion of being thirsty is a weird one that I'm not really in the loop of. I get the concept of being thirsty, but when it gets to the point of where all your social media is, is people being thirsty of everything and everyone then it just makes you feel weird and honestly depressed. It makes you feel like garbage because you can see everyone 'thirsting over everyone' and then you're in the corner thinking, the thirst for me is when I get to actually know someone. I realise that sounds cheesy but that's how my brain works. I'm sick of this whole concept of being so quick and straight to the point that we almost miss out actually feeling anything. I just don't get why sex has to be the main pivotal concept for us to all bond over. I mean doing this instantly forces people that aren't 'gagging for it' all the time into a sort of shame based box. It also means that we're pretty much excluding a part of the community that don't really care about sex when it comes to attraction which is another problematic point.

Furthermore, being non-bnary, kind of affects the whole concept of 'being thirsty'. It's kind of hard to be thirsty over anyone when your dysphoria is at the worse that it can possibly be. For those that don't know, I've identified as non-binary for many years now, and with that for me, comes with some form of body dysphoria. The fact I feel like I'm in the completely wrong body but at the same time, not feeling like any other body in the world would fix that. I realise it sounds stupid to most, but because I identify as pretty much being something that is outside the norm of being either male or female, it becomes hard to feel like you belong in society or that you belong in the right body at all, so having people around you talk about enjoying other bodies, its hard to get on board with that as a concept when you hate yourself so much in one day, that you just wished that you some form of bodiless voice that has a recurring role on Doctor Who. Again, I get that it sounds silly/stupid to most. I just, I just, I'd rather get to know people and I'd rather to get to know them in some way shape or form before just well objectifying them really. A photo doesn't do much for me anyways because well the whole vision thing and because I analyse most of my life, I instantly go into analysing the photo itself.

My final very rambly sort of point, goes back to the bear tribe to an extent. The bear tribe, well certain people within the tribe, can be very iffy when it comes to non-binary people which makes me feel even more eradicated from the community as a whole. I've had bears tell me that I'm not a real person, that I don't belong to be a part of the bear community and honestly worse things and it just makes me feel like I don't belong in this community as a while because I don't exactly fit in what they want when it comes to the bear tribe and it just sucks sometimes. Most do and I love that, I love how most embrace and accept but still its just sometimes those people can make you feel completely worthless in somewhere where society says you should feel welcome and comfortable within. I've also had people say that they're interested in me because of being non binary and that itself is problematic as well. I hate the concept of a chaser. Honestly, don't hunt me down because it's exotic and different in your opinion is kind of disgusting. Get to know people, instead of pretending to be interested in them romantically just so its something you can tick off a list.

Sorry that this is a rambly mess, and, I hope you can take something away from this, or that the LGBTQIAP+ community as a whole can discuss this openly.

Thanks for reading!
Jamie x 

Let's Talk About Some LGBTQIAP+ Topics | A Ramble About Being Myself

Hey everyone! 

Welcome to a brand new blog post! This post may be controversial for some, it may be relevant to others, but, as it's Pride Month, I thought that it was best if I had a little discussion with you all about some stuff. Without sounding self centred, most of this post will be about me, and it will be rambly, but I hope that you don't mind that.

It's probably going to be best to sort this rambling thread out into sections. I felt that it was mainly important to create this post, because not only is it Pride Month, but the LGBTQIAP+ community as a whole, are still very marginalised and as I'm a part of the community, I thought that I needed to speak up about some stuff. Some stuff is positive, some is negative, and some is in-between.

Non-binary

If anyone didn't know, I identify as non-binary. This is defined as, a term that is used for people that are not exclusively masculine or feminine‍. ‌Identities that are outside the gender binary and cisnormativity. I did a post a while ago about being non-binary (click here if you want to read that.) Being non-binary is sometimes a weird concept to explain to anyone that is cisgendered (someone whose gender identity matches their anatomical gender at birth), because being both masculine and feminine can come across as a new subject to them, even though it has been around in many cultures for many years. Being 'enby' is still something that I am trying to express in a way that I want to and is still something that I am working on. I think that celebrities coming out as enby has definitely helped. It's showed me that the representation is slowly getting better therefore more people are learning to understand and accept enby, but also that no one fully has it together which helps my state of mind a lot with my gender. When I came out as non-binary, I got a fair few people asking me, can you be non-binary with a beard? Doesn't facial hair instantly make you conform to the attributes of one gender? Well no, why should something that grows on my face instantly define who I am? Society has told you to think that beards are ultra masculine, and well in my opinion, they are not. Clothing, again. shouldn't be categorised into gender specific sections. Yes, I know that many within society and media have had this debate, but for me, having gender specific sections, scared me when starting to understand my gender and who I am. I felt awkward going through female clothing sections in stores in case someone stopped me. I know that sounds stupid, but that's because society has told us that if someone that isn't a cis woman is looking at women's clothing is dodgy and weird, which is not completely true. We need to realise that most just want to look at female clothing, because, well there's sometimes better designs for certain aesthetics in the 'women' section. That was about a year ago, and I can't thank my female presenting friends such as Abbey and Michelle, who would help me look through such sections in stores so I didn't feel anxious. This year alone, I've dabbled more in makeup (an expensive and tricky hobby), worn crop tops and dresses outside and had genuine fun presenting as feminine when I've felt it in front of random strangers. All things that I was scared to do on my own this time last year. Dysphoria still and will happen,

Being Polyamorous

Polyamory is defined as, engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved. (I have also done a post on this before so click here to read it). When writing my previous post about being poly, I didn't really know how to explain any of it I just knew that it was something that I knew that was for me? I've slowly figured that it's more to do with mental health and that it helps my anxiety as I have a tendency to push some away when feeling 'bleh'. I also think that polyamory has a sort of stigma around it. I know that sounds slightly silly seeing as we live in an inclusive society, but stay with me. Polyamory has kind of being perceived as this thing that only a small minority do, that may be true, but its also been shown to be portrayed via hippies or America. By that I mean, polyamory being the centre of a communal lifestyle where many people come and live together and they share everything, or, something hidden in the corners of America in places such as Utah for it to be gawked at by the mainstream media, due to it being niche. The first one sounds kinda interesting, and, like a Marxists dream, but also sounds problematic. Also why was the stereotype with hippies? I guess that media didn't;t know what to do with it due to it not being mainstream and therefore decided to seek the first sighting of polyamory and just lump it altogether? That was wrong to do then, and, it's wrong to do today. When others ask me about polyamory, they get confused and anxious. I get that, being confused and anxious about something that you're not used to is expected. However, when I try to educate someone on it, they either just don't want to grasp it, slut shame, or, instantly come back with, 'oh well, I'd get jealous'. First of all, Karen, if you're confused about something and I educate you, the nice thing to do is to at least listen and nod. If you don't get it, that's fine, but ask questions, that's what questions are for. If you're not going to listen then why should I bother? Second of all,  you shouldn't slut shame anyone, no matter what. If I don't judge you, then why should you judge me? Third of all, everyone gets jealous, we compare and contrast within life. We shouldn't but its an innate thing to do, so of course polyam's get jealous, but communication is key. For me, polyamory is something that is still new in my life, but the way that I view polyamory, is something that improves my life. I'm not sure where I am with it, just like my gender, but I love love and I love people, so shouldn't that be enough for right now?

Holding Peoples Hands In Public

Most of you may think that holding hands in public is nothing, but for anyone in the LGBTQIAP+ community, it's not just a simple mundane thing. Homophobic/anti-queer attacks still happen. They happen in the UK, they happen around the world, and they probably happen in the town that you live in. Holding hands shows that you're being intimate within public grounds. Sometimes, this might be within safe spaces, sometimes this might just be shopping, but this still shows bravery. It shows that you know that someone might come up to you and shout slurs at you, they might punch you in the face but it shows that you're being your true authentic self. I'm still getting used to this for many reasons. Not only am I holding hands with people to show that I'm being myself, but I do it with my closest friends, due to needing help with seeing sometimes. I have an eye condition that means that I can't see that great within dimly lit places or well dark lighting/no lighting. Frankly, this isn't going to stop me going out at night, nor is it going to stop me going on nights out and adventures. This means that I let friends help me by holding my hand and guiding me, and that's fine, but to strangers they may not realise. By this, I mean that, invisible illnesses or even eye conditions, aren't recognised unless there's a visual cue to go along with it. No one gets that someone has a disability unless there's a wheelchair or a cane to show the disability. This means that I have still gotten scared that my face might get punched, or I'll get slurs shouted at me. I know what you're thinking. 'Jamie, it's rare that it will happen.' That's true, but it has multiple times. That's the only problem, most want to say that we've come a long way within queer rights, but have we? Should anyone be scared to hold hands? Hell no. Should someone be scared to show their loved ones affection in public? No. Yes, the LGBTQIAP+ community have some rights under the Equality Act, but that doesn't solve everything. We are slowly getting there though. This is why I've started to not care. Why should I be scared in case one thing happens, when I know that even if someone did punch me for being myself, that won't stop me being myself. I've started to hold hands with anyone and everyone that I know (after consent of course) because well, why should we care what others think?

Finding A Tribe

A lot of the LGBTQIAP+/queer community, decide to create their own family, as sometimes we're not lucky to have a family that accepts us as our true authentic selves. I have a family that does. I love them a lot, but I think that having a tribe/second sort of family was the best decision that I could have ever made. Not everyone in what ever tribe you find are the same, and that's fine, because its the best thing about being in a part of a smaller tight knit sort of community. You learn new things, you get educated on things that you would never know about otherwise, but, you get to do the same back. You can also rely and trust the people around you. and honestly, its fabulous. Finding people that share the same ideas and values has opened my mind up. It's also boosted my confidence, showed me that I can be open and not get hurt for doing so, and so much more. I don't talk about my mental health on here much anymore, but, its calmed my anxiety down so much. Honestly, if I hadn't had found people that I could trust, I wouldn't be able to write the above. Hell, I wouldn't really be able to write this post at all.

Thank you to, Alex L, Richard and Alex, Jim, Shaun, Mike, Vince, Johann, Kevin and Richard, Ben, Jos, Toby, Kris, Axel, Abbey, Michelle, Dan and anyone else that I've forgotten. (I'm writing this in the early depths of the morning.) Not to be cheesy, but to quote a misfit character that I relate on a spiritual level to, 'this is my family, I found it all on my own. It's little, and, broke, but still good. Yeah still good.' (Comment down below if you know the quote.)

Businesses With Rainbows/Commercialisation Of Pride

I read an article whilst planning this post that talked about how sticking rainbows onto brands logos isn't enough by one of the members of Years and Years. They said that they were sick of businesses just changing their logo to rainbow and thinking that it's enough to show their pride. I think that this is true. A brand can't just change its logo for a month and think that this is enough. If a brand is truly wanting to show their pride, then why not give a percentage of your profits to an LGBTQIAP+ charity? Why not make sure that your LGBTQIAP+ staff are being treated equally? Why not have a Pride range all year round? Pride can't just be a gimmick for a month to increase sales. LGBTQIAP+ can't be reduced down to a BLT with some added Guacamole to make it inclusive. It's pandering and it cheapens your brand as a whole. I'm glad that some brands have ensured that their Pride ranges do donate to a charity, but the ranges are only out for June which is problematic, because well Pride isn't just in June. Rainbows can happen at any time, and so can Pride and celebrating equality around the world. If you're going be loud, be so loud that they can hear from you the other side of the world and keep with it.

I hope that you've enjoyed this post and that you've had a good Pride Month. If you're going to any Pride events this year, be inclusive and be accepting. If you know any LGBTQIAP+ people, talk them, ask questions, let them educate you and accept and love them.

Thank you for reading this rambly post. 
Jamie x

This Is Me | My Gender

Hey!

Welcome to a brand new blog post!. I thought that I would do something different.

I have talked about it on here before, and, I will probably talk about it again and again. Gender is something that I've never been 100% fully sure about and I thought that today's post would be a good time to talk about it in a bit more detail. I know that discussions about gender can across as intense, but I think that, we all need to be educated on gender. This probably won't be the best laid out post, but I hope that this post does help the conversation in some shape or form. 

A stock image provided by pexels.com

Sex and gender are two completely different things. Sex is what you're assigned at birth due to the biological attributes that you have (including things such as your genitals), but gender is based on society and the things that surround you in the world. I believe that gender is on a spectrum, and things, such as the nature V nurture debate could affect it but I think that's definitely a post for another time. Gender does not have to relate to the genitals that someone has, but also gender could relate to the genitals that someone has. It depends on how the person feels.

Personally, I feel like I'm slightly on the more man side of the middle of the spectrum between man and woman. I'm going off imagining the spectrum being like the Kinsey Scale, which talks about defining your sexuality via heterosexual is on one end, and, homosexual is on the other side with numbers such as 1 being completely heterosexual and 5 being homosexual with marks such as, heterosexual with homosexual tendencies and so forth. I think that's right. (Side note, I need to stop writing blog posts at 3am.) I feel like like I'm masculine ti a degree but I'm also pretty feminine in many ways. I definitely don't feel like I adhere to many masculine attributes or stereotypes, and I feel like I don't adhere to all of the feminine attributes/stereotypes so I've always felt... well confused because society tells us that we should fit into a paradigm. We should be either male, or female. We should either be fat or thin etc and honestly, I hate it.

I want to say that I'm genderqueer. Genderqueer is a person who feels that his/her gender identity does not fit into the socially constructed "norms" associated with his/her biological sex.
Genderqueer is an identity that falls anywhere between man/boy/male and woman/girl/female on the spectrum of gender identities. The only problem with this for me is, that I'm still at the stage where I don't know exactly where I fit which means that labels don't exactly work that well for me at the moment. Don't get me wrong, labels can be great, as they can help others know who you are and they can help you find communities where you feel safe but also they attach an instant assumption and stereotypes to whatever label we decide to go with. I don't want to commit to a label and everything that comes with it until I'm completely sure. That might sound pretentious of me but it's what I prefer and that's what matters.

Carrying on from this, I think that it's a good time to talk about my name, pronouns and all of that jazz. All of the above and the thoughts about my gender that I've felt for a long while. Call me Jamie. It's as simple as that when it comes to names. My birth name is James, so, Jamie is probably the closest thing to a unisex name that I will ever achieve. Jamie Lee Curtis and other stars like Jamie Lynn Spears reinforce that Jamie can belong to anyone and not just one sex. Don't call me by my birth name unless I say it's fine, or, unless we're family/I completely trust you with my life, If you're unsure about what you should call me, ask. I only let people call me by my birth name at education because it's easier due to paperwork.

I let people such as lecturers call me by my birth name as I'm not sure what would happen in terms of paperwork, but also it saves ignorance. By that, I mean, a lot of people are ignorant on these fronts and, I honestly don't have the energy or the time to correct everyone because I would end up wanting to hit my head on a brick wall very quickly. I normally tell lecturers that I prefer Jamie but if they need to then call me by that. I think because this isn't the norm, the 'norm' (cis het people) don't understand what to do and instead of asking, they dig their own grave that little bit more and I don't want to be pushing them easily into it. If you call me by my name, I won;t be furious, I'll tell you and I'll probably tell you what I prefer and if you keep doing it if I'm in a shit mood, then I'll probably ignore you. Simple as that.

Pronoun wise, I prefer they/them. Before you start to ask why they/them, it's because of the above reasons but it's also because I'll have days where I won't know how I feel so they covers both him and her and it makes me feel less skittish and uncomfortable when using it. If I'm in a good mood then I don't mind either he/him/she/her depending on many things including how close we are. Try and only reserve him/he for when it's needed to be honest. If you have no clue and your head is confused by all of this, then please, ask. It will make myself more comfortable and it will make you feel a little bit less awkward when talking to me. I haven't changed, I'm still me. If you misgender me then I will tell you but to keep you less confused stick to they/them or he/him if needs be. I get that you might not know and it's best to ask because if I don't know how I feel/I'm still figuring out how I feel, then how the hell are you meant to know?

Dysphoria is a sensation of discomfort, loathing, anxiety, and depression revolving around one's social gender role and/or physical sex characteristics. It's a very serious experience that leads to larger anxiety/depression problems, depersonalisation, thoughts of suicide, social withdrawal and many other things. I've had serious waves of dysphoria in my everyday life, and, trust me, it's one of the worst sensations in the world. It's weird to explain to anyone that feels comfortable within themselves that they don't have to experience it. Feeling out of place when it comes to being a circle of friends that are comfortable with themselves sometimes triggers it, social media triggers it sometimes and my own body can. I know I post pictures of myself on social media which includes showing nude parts eg topless photos, but those take a lot of energy. If I'm not feeling my absolute best then they don't happen. I also know that represent body and self confidence but as soon as I think, screw it, I'll post it, I also get moments of self loathing and regret due to hating my body because it doesn't fit into one box. I don't think it does and I hate that sometimes.

I think that my aesthetic is pretty neutral when it comes to items that could be perceived as either 'masc' or 'fem'. but I would like to incorporate more fem styles of clothing into my wardrobe, if I ever have the confidence to rock it. I'd love to just wear a bad ass patterned dress and some chunky heels and be like, well this is my look. Take it in... I'd also love to give zero cares to the world, and wear things such as crop tops, and show my body off in all of it's glory. I'd love to experiment with makeup a bit more and just feel like I can rock a bright lip and a smoky eye someday. I've started experimenting with makeup slightly, but, I think that I would light to delve deeper into it. I'd also love to keep my facial hair and have crazy rocker quiff hair and own loads of leather jackets, and, casually just rock a suit to something casual so I can be extra when I want to feel masculine. I want to walk into a club, wear whatever I want, have glitter smothering my face and not feel like I'm emphasizing on being a 'freak to the norms of society.' I wish for all of these things, but hopefully, in the future, I can look at this post and think back on everything that I've done.

I hope that this post gets the conversation going a bit, I hope that it ensures that the representation of everyone that isn't already represented can have a light shined on them, and, I hope that this post educates someone. Just one person would be fine.

Be respectful of everyone around you, respect pronoun's and preferred names. Have conversations about anything that you don't know or understand with others and help to remove any stigma that society and the media create.

Talk below and further the discussion!

Thanks for reading! 
Jamie x 

Is It Safe To Be Gay In The UK

Hey!

Welcome to a brand new blog post! I think the title says it all really but I thought that today I would talk to you guys about why I believe that it's not completely safe to be gay in 2017.

I know that within the UK, we have some rights that ensure that we can be ourselves and we have things such as a legal same sex marriage now compared to things in countries such as the United Arab Emirates and Russia where being gay endures harsher punishments such as jail and concerntration camps but not everything within the UK is rose tinted spectacles.

Let's take going on a date for example... You have to awkwardly seem like you're just two friends catching up in case a staff member catches you and they chuck you out due to the news stories such as the Bakery denying a same sex couple to have a cake made for them. You then can't really show any affection and you're always scared on the actions that you make whilst you're on said date because in public, someone might cause harm to you... The lightest harm might be name calling and the hardest harm that might happen might be physical harm such as being beaten up for being something that you can't control. You end up realising that it's just easier to invite them to a date at home due to the amount of hate that happens...

I know that name calling might not sound like a big deal but when it happens time and time again, it slowly chips away the foundations of your self confidence when out and about.

Sadly, I've had some of the above thrown at me whilst being out in the public and it just makes you feel like you should be like you shouldn't be who you are because then you'd feel safer

Obviously, it doesn't happen everytime but it happens the majority of the time which is the sickening thing.

Sadly, media has helped to socialise the general public and reinforce hegemonic ideas into their minds via using minorities such as homosexual people as scapegoats to ensure that the general public steer their minds away from the truth and put their anger and frustration into something/somebody else. The general sort of lines include the fact that homosexuals are the epicentre and vessel of HIV or AIDS and if we didn't have them then the count for that would be lower when in fact the passing of HIV/AIDS can happen via sharing things such as needles which can be used by anyone not just homosexual people or they write some spiel about how something can ensure that someone is homosexual such as smoking marijuana. I'm not promoting marijuana but how can smoking something once make you instantly be sexually interested in the same sex as yourself. It's ridiculous... I know the nature/nurture debate about topics such as sexuality is a massive thing within society but I honestly doubt the nurture side can happen via partaking in something once...

I know that we have rules and laws in pace such as the Equality Act which ensures that no discrimination against people who are disabled, different sexualities, ages etc but does everyone actually know of this act and do they abide by it because if so then would we really have this much hate which has even gone to murder before because I honestly doubt it if we did... I know that some wouldn't abide by it but not as many that do in today's society.

People aren't safe in the UK but if we gave a little more tolerance and acceptance then we can make society a better place for minorities such as people of colour and the LGBT+ community. Just please take that into account.

What's your opinion? Let me know down below! 

I hope that you've enjoyed this little rambly LGBT+ based blog post and I hope that I've made some sense. I hope that you come back next time for another blog post!

Thanks for reading! 
Jamie x 

An Open Letter To The Prime Minister

Dear Theresa May,

I thought that I'd write an open letter to you because I wanted to participate in one of the many things that we can do within the United Kingdom which to express our opinions and views via the Human Right to free speech.

I'm an openly gay student within today's society who also cares for someone but who also has disabilities in the form of mental health and visual impairments and honestly I'm pretty appalled by your behaviour and actions within the General Election that you decided to have on the basis of Brexit and the actions that you have chosen to go through with post General Election.

As I've said above, you decided to create a General Election even though when being asked about it by members of the press and journalists, you adamantly said no and then called for the election whilst probably uaing your powerful connections within society to prop you up via media outlets and thus slandering the opposition Jeremy Corbyn. You also decided to decline broadcasted debates which would have helped your Party way more and instead you decided to contact members of the public via travelling to them. I'm not sure why you did this as I wonder whether it was to avoid particular subjects or whatnot but honestly doing the above made sure that your portrayal to the general public was that you're indecisive and untrustworthy.

The televised debates that you did decide to take part in definitely did not make up for the fact that you decided to not turn up for the majority of them and instead ensure that Amber Rudd pariticipated in your absence.

Coming from someone that cares for someone and is also disabled via what I have stated above, I did not think that your answer to question by the young lady that was waiting for counselling was the best way to answer the question. Being vague doesn't get you anywhere within a general election. Looking empathetic doesn't get you anywhere during an election but instead taking action promotes your party and yourself during the election and post event. '

Let's fast forward a bit, you've been reelected without a majority vote within Parliament and you decide to instead of being the bigger person and resigning to ensure that the country would be stronger and stable (your words not mine) but instead you decided to prop yourself up by bribing the DUP with an £1.5 Billion deal to ensure that you could stay in power. Thanks Theresa for signing us up to a deal with the devil. I know that people can be have a sexual interest in power but honestly this is a new low for anyone for a tad bit more power.

I also see that we don't have a magic money tree for things like mental health services, tuition fees and the National Health Service but we have the funds to ensure that you can stay in power which I think is completely bizarre. I'd be interested on where that money came from.

To conclude, Theresa, I think that it's in your best interests and the country's if you decided to stick to what you say more often and to care about the people that you are a Prime Minister for instead of yourself otherwise you'll be known within history as that one English PM that screwed the people over more than anyone else did including Tony Blair and Margaret Thatcher.

I hope that you've enjoyed this blog post/open letter and that you come back next time for another post!

Comment down below with your opinions.

Thanks for reading! 
Jamie x 

20 Things i Want To Do In My Twenties

Hey!

Welcome to another blog post! I turn twenty at the end of this week so I thought that I would do something different for this post and list twenty things that I want to do whilst I'm 20.

A stock imge of balloons via pexels.com 

Visit Italy.

 I know that this sounds pretentious as hell as I'd love to just go travelling to Italy and find myself via thinking about everything by the side of the Almafi Coast but in actual fact I'd love to just travel around Italy and try all the different cultural activities and food. I'd love to take pictures of the surroundings.

Get Back Into B\aking. 

Okay I know that this isn't really a stereotypical thing to do in your twenties but I used to love baking. I loved creating something out of nothing and having fun with it. I loved the smell of baking and waiting to see if it went well... I stopped though due to thinking that I was the dogs balls at this and decided to do a course in this which I realised wasn't for me due to the atmosphere of it all and having constant panic attacks in toilet cubicles over it all so I'd love to calmly get back into baking. *side note: If I ever have to make bread at a mass commercial level again I may scream.*

Go To A Drag Show 

Seeing as I watch Drag Race a lot, I'd love to go to a drag show but honestly I think that I'd love to go to a local drag show more than anything as you get a great show and you'd be supporting great but local talent. I mean I honestly have never been into a gay bar of any sorts but I think that's another story for another time.

Do Fashion Week 

I know that some things go on behind closed doors when it comes to Fashion Weeks but I think that I would love to at least go to one to ensure that I have been up close when it comes to seeing the new designs. I know that the parties are a big part of the week but I think that I would go there mainly for the fashion aspect of the event. 

Go To The Alchemist 
Hi, I'm Jamie and I've never been to The Alchemist. I know that this comes as a surprise but honestly I just haven't had the time to go and as the cocktails seem fabulous I'd want a full day to experience a good few of them. I honestly also haven't had the money to experience The Alchemist at its best especially as it has an Alice In Wonderland Tea sharing Cocktail. I know that it's the ultimate bar for bloggers so I know that I definitely need to go whilst I'm in my 20's.

Pub Crawl 

I feel like I definitely need to do this in my twenties. It's a surprise that I haven't gone on one yet as I live in a radius of about 6 pubs. I love a good pub so I can see myself doing this within my 20's.

Go To London Again 

The last time I went to London was for Summer In The City and honestly I didn't get to do everything that I wanted to do so I want to go back down for that. I also want to go down for the infamous Lush Oxford Street as I had fun exploring the three floored establishment last time. I would also like to go down as most blogger things go on there and I miss out on them due to living up in good old Yorkshire.

Go Back To Paris 

Again, I just miss Paris as a whole. I obviously did all of the touristy stuff last time but I would love to go back to explore more of the non touristy bits of Paris. I'd also love to go back to try more of the authentic food that they have to offer within Paris.

Get A Degree 

Yes, this sounds obvious as I am hopefully going to university later on this year but honestly I want to get a degree as I know that university will be an absolute rollercoaster and I can already see myself having many panic attacks and other things so to achieve a degree would be a massive achievement to myself.

Get A Job 

Again, this sounds obvious but due to economy that we live in today it's hard to get a job and I know that blogging is a job but I never think that I'll get to the point where I can see myself making a constant wage from it so I'd love to get a job where I have a constant wage coming in each month.

See a West End Performance 

Honestly, I've never seen a West End performance and as I like a good musical or play from time to time I'd love to watch a performance within the West End.

Go To A Michelin Restaurant 

This one is for the foodie within me. I love food and I know that Michelin star restaurants put so much thought and effort into every little thing that they produce therefore I'd love to go and just appreciate everything in the building. Weird, I know but ah well.

Meet Nigella Lawson 

Okay, I get it. This sounds a tad bordeline stalker but I have loved everything that Nigella has done for a while so I would love to just meet her and have a honest chat with her, I love how she researches a dish to a point where a food researcher themselves would be shocked so I'd also love to talk to her about that too. 

Learn To Play The Guitar 

This sounds like something a hipster would say again but honestly I've been wanting to learn to play the guitar for years and for some reason I've just never done it so I think that if I get my life into some sort of order then I deserve to attempt to learn the guitar. 

Fundrause Fir Mental Health/LGBT+ Charities

We all know how close both of these topics are to my heart so I'd definitelty love to fundraise for both of these, I'd also love to fundraise for Guide Dogs UK at some point in the future. 

Go To A Whiskey Distillery Tour 

I love whiskey so I would love to go to a distillery and see it up close. I have heard that Jamesson's tour is amazing so I'd love to do that someday!
 b
Get More Into Makeup. 

Yes I know that this sounds like a weird one but I have been getting into makeup via various means and I would love to properly get into it via brands and understanding how to make full use of the face. I love cosplay makeup and makeup that stars such as Miss Fame create so hopefully I might be able to further that curiosity within my 20's.

Wear More Vests

I know that this is a weird one but I rarely wear vests on their own due to them normally showing off my arms and sometimes my torso which I'm a bit iffy about so I'd love to get used to wearing them and rocking them without caring about what other people think about what I look like. 

Hold A Bloggers Event Or Event Of Some Sort 

I'd love to host a bloggers event or an event for the public. I think that it would be amazing to put on an event and make sure that it runs smoothly. I know that it won't happen but I can always dream!

Make My Blog Better
I know that my content and my layout isn't that great so I hope that within the next few years I improve with my blog on the whole and hope to create amazing content and to just keep it going really. 

Have you got any goals that you'd like to achieve? Let me know down below. 

I hope that you've enjoyed this blog post. I hope that you've learnt a few things about myself and I hope that you come back for another blog post. 

Thanks for reading! 

Jamie x

Jamie Spills The Tea | Michelle Visage

Hey!

Welcome to the second post in the Jamie Spills The Tea series where I discuss and educate you on some of the best members of the LGBT+ community. Today's post is all about the Queen that is Michelle Visage!

Michelle Visage is an American singer, TV host, radio DJ, author and TV personality. Michelle started her career off by being in a band called Seduction who are most known for their single 'Two To Make It Right.' Once 'Seduction' had separated, Michelle became the lead single of The Soul System. Visage then later became the cohost of The RuPaul Show. She has also been a judge on Rupaul's Drag Race & its spinoff 'All Stars' since January 2011. Michelle also went into the UK Celebrity Big Brother house on January 7th 2015 and came out in fifth place. 

Michelle might be a straight woman but she is definitely an ally and the whole LGBT+ community needs more allies within the world especially in todays day and age. Michelle is all about bringing love and honesty to the world and I think that it is the best thing in the world!

Although this goddess is all about love and positivity, she will definitely ensure you that she is doing her job correctly when it comes to judging on the show 'RuPaul's Drag Race'. Michelle will critique the contestants on what they need to do in order to better themselves and I think that it is the best thing to do as I think that the entertainment business is a tough one to go into and you need someone that will tell you exactly how to further yourself, You probably already have someone like that in your life and although you probably think that they are a bitch sometimes they are only doing it because they want you to be amazing. Michelle has been known to get insults and death threats via social media from doing it and I think that it is an awful thing to do. You might not like how a show goes but the show only goes on for so long and then once its ended everyone on it goes back to working hard in the real world. (This has happened several times so I am not referencing or shading a particular queen!)

Michelle won the hearts of the UK when entering the CBB house ensuring that she would stand up for everything that she believed in and she did (especially against animal looking Perez Hilton) .and I honestly think that we need more to be doing that sort of thing! She has helped so many drag queens and fans of Drag Race via her social media (like the teenage boy who was kicked out of his home whos tweet Michelle retweeted and checked up on after).

In the words of RuPaul and Michelle Visage, the best way to sum Michelle up is that you're born naked and everything else is drag.

This isn't sponsored but if you want to buy Michelle's book then click here. It's a great book and I urge to either find it in book stores to have a little look or to buy it and read it when you can!

Do you also love Michelle Visage? Let me know down below!

Thanks for reading the second rambling blog post in the Jamie Spills The Tea series. I hope that you have enjoyed it and I hope that you come back next week to spill some more tea with me!

Click here to read the last post where I spill the tea on Jeffree Star.

Thanks for reading!
Jamie x

Jamie Spills The Tea | Jeffree Star

Hey!

I have decided to do a new series called Jamie Spills The Tea where I talk about anything and everything to do with the LGBT+ community and to start off the series I am talking about the infamous Jeffree Star.

https://static.pexels.com/photos/156918/pexels-photo-156918.jpeg

Jeffree Star (full name Jeffrey Lynn Steininger) is an American singer-songwriter, make up artist and much much more,.He started his music career via MySpace like such stars as Lily Allen. They then later released their debut album 'Beauty Killer' in 2009. Jeffree is also known for their fashion line 'Beauty Forever', his persona and YouTube channel. 

The whole point of this series is to give my opinions of the people that are within these posts but tio also educate you all slightly with people. I thought that I would start off with Jeffree because everyone knows them. I am probably going to be sticking to their/they pronouns throughout most of this series

I think that Jeffree has had their moments of bad press such as the whole Kat Von D feud but I do think that we all have our flaws and sometimes they are documented and showcased to the press quite vividly but all in all I personally think that Jeffree is a good person.

Jeffree has made a name for themselves via their makeup line which has been ripped off the shelves of Sephora stores and has been shoved into everyone's handbags/smeared on a lot of people worldwide. Going from a little flat to a villa within such a short amount of time screams a good business and it shows via the amount of passion that they put into their products.

I also think that they will still be growing more and more within five years from their booming makeup brand but also via their YouTube especially when you look at the stats of their videos. The fact that everyone is obsessed on trying to get the latest makeup trend helps what I said as Jeffree always kills it on the trends side of things. The collaborations that they keep publishing with Drag Race stars also supports my statement.

What's your opinion of Jeffree Star? Do you like a particular makeup product of theirs that you adore? Let me know down below!

This has been my first Jamie Spills The Tea post. I hope that you have enjoyed this post and I hope that you come back for more in this season. If you want to see a particular person who is a part of the LGBT+ community within this series then let me know down below.

Thanks for reading!
Jamie x

I Might Be Single Forever But That's Fine

Hey!

Welcome to another one of my ramblings.

I know that it sounds absurd coming from an nineteen year old but I'm quite happy being a single introvert in today's society.

Stock Image Of A Man Staring Into The Distance

I know single means that you're on your own and wandering through life with a sense of never knowing whats going on but isn't that a good thing? Being on your own means that you can do whatever you want, you don't have to depend on someone else for anything. You can create your own income without depending or having to take into account someone else. You can make whatever food you want without having to make sure other people aren't allergic to things. I mean you can even satisfy your own sexual needs with masturbation. Yes, I said it. It's not a dirty word. The limit is endless

Being single means that you can learn to love yourself and take care of yourself and make sure that your self confidence is on the best form ever and that you can walk into anywhere and feel amazing about yourself and not have to care if someone else is wanting you to dress or act in a certain way.

It means that you don't have to put up with anyone else's bullshit. You don't have to cope with someone else being protective or expecting you to do something or not do something. It also means that you don't have to put up with people being sexist, racist, homophobic/just general pigs.

I know that being single either means being out every night trying to get some action or becoming that person with 90 cats and saying that they are all your babies/centralising your life around them all but are either of these two stereotypes that terrible? I mean with the first one you get to network with new people, listen to cheesy music and reminisce the next day/week to a friend or someone at work and with the cat stereotype you get to have a house of fluff/ You get eternal love and affection without having to try and be someone that you're not and you understand each other.

.So yeah, I'm Jamie, I'm single and that's fine by me.

I hope that you have somewhat enjoyed my ramble. I hope that you can relate to this. Let me know what you think down below and thanks for reading!

Jamie x

Being In A 'Relationship' With Your Best Friend

Hey!

Today's post is going to be a different one on the post. I'm trying to get as varied as possible on the blog at the minute just so I can experiment with things/show off that I don't just write about going to events or reviewing stuff.

If you know me at all or have read this blog for a good few months then you will know that I go to a lot of things with my best friend Michelle. (Yes, I'll link to her website in this post because friends give their friends exposure!)

When myself and Michelle go out to things such as events etc, we get comments that insinuate that we're a couple and we play up to that fact because well why not? It's fun doing so! It's gotten to the point where most people (including our families to a certain funny degree) think that we're an item and I seriously don't mind that because she's a lovely person and if I could be in a relationship with her then I would.

Doing so literally means expressing our love via being quirky within public which means doing things such as singing/meowing well known songs at the top of our voice, talking about anything and everything because nothing is ever off limits, holding hands in public just to reassure everyone, going on cute dates, giving each other personal nicknames that nobody else would understand if we called each other them in public and many other things.

We spend time apart but when we do meet up then its amazing. I legit don't think If people want to believe that we're together then I don't mind as it comes in pretty handy at places such as bars or when we're out and about in Leeds or anywhere shopping and creepy people try to chat one of us up.

If you haven't checked out Michelle's photography then click here because it's honestly amazing! I hope that she's reading this and that she remembers that she's a fabulous multicoloured unicorn (because of her hair) that is amazing and that she has impacted my life in such a way that I'll never forget. Hopefully she'll read this when she feels a bit down in the dumps and smile as well because I love Michelle quite a lot and want her to be happy within life.

I hope that you've enjoyed this blog post. I know it's not something that I'd usually put up but I hope you've enjoyed reading it though.

Thanks!
Jamie x

Grindr, Trains & Tunnels And More | Questions About Gay Sex

Meow!

Okay so I know that this isn't my normal sort of topic to write about and I'm a bit scared about doing this but screw it! Stuff like this needs to be talked about a lot more. If you're not a big fan of the same sex on same sex stuff or you don't have a penis then go and check out Zusterchap. They're a blog that talk about periods, sex and all things nice!

(I got this from Google as I couldn't find anything that was suitable on the site that bloggers use for photos. The link for this also just came up with a search on Tumblr when I found this on Google Images so sadly I can't link this back as I don't know which account it came from.)

There is always that person who asks the awkward questions when they found out or you reveal your sexuality. I thought that I would answer a few questions that I normally get asked about sex.

1: Does It Hurt?

Okay, so the myth is that it hurts the first time and honesrly it might for some people. Might being the word. If you don't use enough lube and ask if it's comfortable for the other person/if they don't ask and things then it might hurt. If you do things in the correct and right way then theres a good chance that it won't hurt.

2: Are You A Train Or A Tunnel?

First of all, a what or a what? Don't make a train an euphemism for a penis... Trains get you places, penises don't do that in any form whatsoever. Second of all, I'm guessing you're wanting to know if I'm a top or a bottom when it comes to sex and honestly I don't think that's any of your business unless you're going to be doing the sex thing... The funny thing is that some people are versatile which means they're up for being both... Just stop asking people it, it would save a lot of people the energy of not wanting to murder you when you ask personal stuff like that.

3: Oh, you must love anal sex?!

I understand why you would think this because well the main stereotype of gay sex that it's all about the anal... This is not true. Some guys don't like anal and honestly that's fine... It's their sex life so it's their preferences that matter and guess what some straight people like anal and that's their preference too!

4: What Is Grindr?

Well its a magical app on your phone where we all talk about unicorns and hope to make cakes with rainbows and smiles and talk about things to do with gay icons... Okay, I'm joking. Grindr is an app that you can get from the App Store and Google Play (I think...), its a gay 'dating' website that uses your location to find the nearest people who use the app. It is most commonly known as the hook up app which is quite true but guess what you don't have to use it to hook up as no means no within the world but you can use it for things such as finding friends and just talking to guys when you want to talk about things that some of your friends might not understand...

5: Oh, you must find every person of the same sex attractive?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No. This is definitely not the case. I definitely have a preference and type and everyone else does. Just because we like the same sex doesn't mean that we like everyone that is the same sex of us. There will always be a percentage of people of the same sex that we don't like. We normally like them to be into men for a starter... Y'know what else pisses me off though? When the same sex know your sexuality via word of mouth or something like that and automatically think that you find them attractive... No, 'mate' I just now think that you're a massive prick for thinking that.

Sorry if I have used the wrong word and prefer a different term such as queer etc I don't mean to offend. I am just talking from my perspective and I hope that you guys don't mind that. Don't forget to comment with your opinions of this and if you think that we need to talk and write more things about sex because I definitely think that we do! I hope that you have enjoyed this little question based post and I hope to see you for another post sometime soon!

Meow!
Jamie x

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That Time When I Declined Experience With Attitude Magazine

Meow!

I think the best way for me to write this blog post is if I just get straight into it.
It's going to be really short. Ah well.

Bit of a trigger warning: I mention anxiety and panic attacks.

So last year, I tweeted a few places asking if there was any emails I could contact about any internships over the Summer when I had time off from college and things as I kind of want to try and get a career within Media somehow so this felt like the right thing to do. I got sent an email address to contact on Twitter and emailed them.

A few weeks later, I got an email back from the guys at Attitude saying that they wanted me to come down for a talk about it. Sadly, getting from Bradford to London a couple of days before a company want you to be there whilst being student which means that most of your money gets spent on food, travel or the odd Lush product or two... I emailed and sorted out another date and sorted out everything for that but sadly anxiety got well in the way.

By anxiety getting in the way, I meant making sure that I had somewhere to stay in London for a week, enough money to survive and everything like that and after several panic attacks I just thought it wasn't worth it all and sadly declined. I feel that it would have been better for a time in my life when I was completely free or felt like I could be stable within London for the amount of time needed.

 It hasn't put me off things such as internships and other great opportunities.I just feel that before trying to reach too far by getting an internship in London without realising what I was jumping into. I feel that I was better off trying to get something that I could handle that was near me.

I hope that you have enjoyed this little story and I'll be back with posts very soon when I sort college stuff and other things out as I have a lot posts backdated that need to go up soonish so I might try and do a week worth of posts when I can.

Thank you for reading and I hope to see you next time for another blog post. If you have never checked out Attitude Magazine then click on here, They are an amazing magazine company.

Meow!
Jamie x

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