Sunday, 30 December 2018

Let’s Talk About Being Polyamorous

Hey everyone!

How are you?

Welcome to a brand new post! I've been wanting to write this post for such a long while! So, I thought that I would finally get on and do it!

To start off, sorry that this post is serious, It's something that I've wanted to talk about for a while, without knowing the best way to talk about. I always believe in that the way to break down stigmas, is to talk about it, which is what I'm doing today.

Hi, i'm Jamie, and, I identify as polyamorous. It's something little to say and even type, but boy am I proud that i am typing that I identify as poly. 

A bunch of tall women and men with different hair styles wearing white shirts and black pants on a bright background

What is polyamory? It is defined as: the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.

Poly means many, and, amory, well means, love, therefore, it basiccally means to love many.

Polyamory can be closed and open. Closed is more towards, sort of triad/throuple. A throuple is, three people in a relationship, or more, like two people in a relationship having another partner that they both know about. Open is more of a well branches of relationships, which is what I am. \

is polyamory just a way to be a slut? No. I mean, first of all, let's reclaim the word slut. Slut isn't a bad word. It's fab and we should use it more and more in an empowering way! Polyamory isn't just a way to be sexually promiscuous. It's understanding how you feel about love and relationships. It's about understanding that monogamy isn't for you. It's understanding that there's more to love than what's represented in the media. It's being who you wanting to be and being accepted for it.

Why do people identify as polyamorous? Again, a lot of the above comes into this particular answer. Furthermore, kinks and interests come into play. Some people when going into relationships, know that their partners may be into other things, that they are not and letting them go off and find others that are into the things that you're not, means, that they will come back being happy and fulfilled. The interests could be sexual or non sexual.

Is it stressful/complicated? Of course it is, any sort of relationship, whether this be with friends, family can be stressful though, so it's not that different to that. I've been in a few poly based relationships before. They included both, open and closed relationships, and they broke down for the same reasons that a monogamous relationship would. It was gritty, messy and complex, but I think the main difference and I don't know why but it was easier to be pure friends with at least a couple of them after the relationship, because of the polyamorous aspect of it being more open, and, free flowing. I realise that makes zero sense, but, I think a lot of people see being poly as an alien concept that a lot of the mainstream public don't understand thus don't want to be educated on it, due to ignorance and not wanting to know what other possibilities are in the world.

Why are you identifying as poly? Anxiety was a main factor of it, and I realise that sounds weird, but what I mean by that is, that I have forever thought that being in a monogamous relationship, from saying hi for the first time onwards, creates tension for me in my brain. I always worry about everything, from stupid things to major things, and i knew that some point they'd get sick of me. Being in a poly relationship would calm that down, because I'd know that they'd have someone else to talk to and half my worries would be banished, because I'd be able to talk to more than one person that i feel truly and deeply connected with about it. Going off from that, I mean that worries about wondering if the other person is okay or if they're safe or having a good week or whatever, is halved, because I already know that they're spending time with people that they are interested in too.  That sounds worse than what i was intending it to sound. I also just love a lot. Anyone that has met me, knows that I'm loving and passionate in everything that I do, and, honestly i just want all the love to flow around the world, and as selfish as it sounds, all the love to be shown to me. This will probably sound worseI intend for it to sound, but, it means that the sexual tension of trying to get to know new people is broken a bit, because, you already know that they have the same ideas and values and you don't feel as tense thus you can talk about anything safely with people that you probably would have never met in a monogamous setting. There is also things like jealousy, but, unlike in monogamous relationships where the other person bottles stuff, you can have more open conversations and explore why you're jealous. A lot of monogamous relationships break down due to the lack of communication.

I realise that this is a kit if information to understand, in one go, so I'm going to link a video to help you understand it further.

If I've said anything that you think is incorrect, or, that you want to add to then please do comment!

I hope that you've enjoyed this post and I hope to see you next time!

Thanks for reading! 
Jamie x 

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