Monday 31 October 2016

Anxiety & Blogger Events


If you have been reading my blog for a while then you will know that I talk about mental health from time to time due to suffering from depression and anxiety. I thought that today I would ramble about coping with anxiety before, during and after a blogger event.

A stock image of a dark room with lights filled with people to represent a bloggers event.

When I get an invite to an event, the first thing that runs through my head is woo. Five minutes later, my brain double checks the reaction and turns it straight into worry which means I then read the invite again and make sure that I put the event down in my calendar on my phone with every detail necessary and then I try to remember it mentally as well. Every day after that, my brain slowly counts down and I worry about everything to do with the event especially if its somewhere that I haven't been before.

The day arrives, I double check that I have everything that I need and more. I also make sure that I triple check that I know where I'm going or think that I'm going or that my phone is charged enough so I have Google Maps to attempt to help me on my adventure. I normally tweet about the event on the day to see if I know anyone that is going so I know that I won't be an anxious mess in a corner trying to avoid everyone so I don't seem like a failure of a professional person at an event.

Once I am travelling to the event, I worry about whether I will look like a sweaty drowned rat or out of place compared to everyone else. When I get into the event, I try to forget about it but there's always a lingering feeling of being judged or thinking that something will go wrong so I always feel like I have to have a social crutch to help me no matter what whether that is a phone in my hand for me to sink my head into, a glass with a drink in for me to drink instead of rambling about nothing or a piercing for me to fiddle with when I feel like I'm just stood there being in the way/doing nothing. I know this all sounds weird but it works for me.

I chat and try to act professional and normal unless I'm chatting with someone that I can trust which is a good bunch of the bloggers from Leeds and the surrounding areas and then I make the venture of going home which normally includes a train which gives me time to think.

Thinking can instantly turn into overthinking and that makes everything worse as I believe that everyone has thought that instead of myself worrying about what everyone else thinks, they just believe that I'm either a bitch or up myself for not interacting as much as I should which then makes me think whether or not if I should really be at events if I'm like this, I normally get some sleep and then get on with the post the next day and then the cycle starts again with the next event.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love blogger events! I just wished that I wasn't so anxious at them.

Have you ever had any of these moments before, during or after a bloggers event or any event in general. Please let me know down below.

I hope that you have enjoyed reading this slightly rambly post. I hope that you come back for more!

Jamie x

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